The kinds of relationship questions that will work and the ones that won't
(photo courtesy of the very talented Ciro Marchetti, taken from the free downloads section of his site:
.................I was there as I just cannot wait to get a copy of his Oracle of Visions! More on that later, when i get my copy) :-)
I chose this topic this month for two reasons. First that a good number of readings I personally get asked to do ARE in fact relationship questions. And next to address the issue that there are in fact certain types of questions that the cards just will not answer.
I think it's natural enough that people ask so often about the relationships in their lives. Our relationships with others are such an important part of our lives, and often the part that carries the most emotion.
But yes, there are certain types of questions the cards will not generally answer. Tarot (or any form of divination really) is a tool to improve things, to make life better, to make the world a better place. That means to improve things and to make life better for all the people involved in the issue.
Some examples of questions the cards just will not answer are any questions asking how to harm another human being. I have heard other readers tell me that someone asked them how to best seek revenge on someone. However strongly that person feels they want revenge, you can count on the cards to refuse outright to answer that. They will never tell us how to harm someone.
Another less obvious example is asking something like "What can I do now to make X love me?" This one doesn't tend to sound as bad. And I have gotten this question myself a few times. It's in the phrasing of the question, about trying to "make" someone do something. Other people have free will just as we do. We do not have the right to try to make them do anything they are no naturally inclined to do on their own. In the same sense as we would not like someone to make us love them, or force us to do so against our will. So you can expect the cards not to answer that question, and they won't.
I believe it is fine to ask what you can do to help encourage X to love you. In that case you ought to get info on what X finds lovable, which ways of talking and being that he/ feels most drawn to. E,g. if X values openness, it might be a good idea to talk openly about your feelings. But in the end while we have the ability to adjust our own way of thinking and feeling and being, we do not have the right to try to force someone to change theirs.
I lot of readers will not touch "3rd party readings", readings where the querent (person asking the question) is asking about someone else. Opinions vary on that, but to me it depends. It depends on the reason the querent is asking. If it is just out of curiosity or wanting to gossip about what they hear, then no. And the cards can be quite firm. When we are not meant to know something they just will not tell us.
I once did a reading for a friend asking something as simple as what her future with a man she cared deeply about was. I got cards telling me not to tell her and she was not meant to know.. This is rare, but it happened that one time. I had to tell her the cards did not want to tell her or for her to know. She then told me she had had readings from 4 other readers on that question so far and they have ALL told her the same thing. There are occasions when we are just not meant to know something. When we need to learn what we will learn from experiencing it firsthand.
But as far as third party readings go, my view is that as long ans the person is asking out of a true desire to create something good and helpful to all concerned, then it is fine. E,g. if a friend is feeling depressed and you ask how to understand where they are so you can help them heal, to me that is fine. Or if you are fighting with someone, and you ask about their feelings, and if the knowing will help you understand so you can resolve your issues, that's fine too. As you can presume the other person is not enjoying the fighting either and would prefer things resolved too.
And, naturally questions on if someone is cheating on someone are things you have to be extremely careful on, and that many readers would refuse to read on.
To me, the basic rule is that any question that will lead to an answer that will benefit all concerned is a good question the cards will want us to know the answer to. And any question where knowing the answer and/or acting on it will cause harm to yourself or to others, will likely not be answered.
And it seems to work best to focus on answers that will help you act in different ways, in ways that will improve things.
Some examples of some potentially useful questions along those lines would be:
- Can you give me insight into ways to help fix -------------- between X and I?
- What steps can I take that will help improve our relationship?
- What is happening when I try to talk to X and he does not seem to be listening? (knowing the answer can help you adjust what you need to to improve you communication together and that leads to lots of benefits(
- How can I encourage X to listen more at those times?
- What would be the best way (or time) to bring up ---------- with X?
- Please help me understand -------------- about X?
- What role am I playing now in the way things are working out with X?
- What can I do that will lead to the best relationship between X and I?
Coming next month: Readings to help manifest prosperity